oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
