he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
