Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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