went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
