Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
