I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize