Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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