??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize