I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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