i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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