i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
