Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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