My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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