know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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