you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
