how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
