i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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