dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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