I'm so fucking centered right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
