Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
