hotel room ftw
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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