just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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