I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
