Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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