My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
