while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
this is an emotional support booty call
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
