I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Randomize
