i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
