I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
