Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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