Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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