My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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