She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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