Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
