Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Operation Purity has been aborted
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
