FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
