He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize