he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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