this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
