She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
