Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
