I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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