You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
