if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had to cum in my sink.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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