Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Porn is love you can see.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
