you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
