just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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