the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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