i permit you to call me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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