I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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