Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I forget how to act sober
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
