ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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