Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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