I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
