im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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