When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
