So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
