I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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