fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
