I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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