Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
