??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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