Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
