Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
