Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
