so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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