dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
