something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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