I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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