there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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