I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
