yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
