Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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