You're so nebulous sometimes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
