are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
