pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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