I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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