This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
