She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize