Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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