Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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